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Lyrics. Truly, they are the gateway to a man's soul. Not the eyes. Eyes are just the gateway to a man's skull, and you won't get an interview out of that. But lyrics? They provide a wonderful route into a fella's thoughts. We went through a few key lines from McFly's new single, 'The Ballad Of Paul K', and let them take us in brave new interview directions.

In other words, we looked at the lyrics sheet, cobbled up a few dodgy questions and barked them at the McFly chaps very early on a Friday morning. Here are their answers...

"He's drinking cold Corona..."

Dougie – you’re only 6,563 days old [at the time of this interview] – too young to drink Corona, surely?
Dougie: True, true. I wasn't drunk last night. Not me. I never drink alcohol. I have tasted alcohol-free lager, though - it's very yeasty.
Tom: Actually, that lyric was originally Coca-Cola but, because we had a deal going with Pepsi, it was a conflict of interests. We love Pepsi.
Harry: We drink it all the time.
Tom: And it fitted the song better anyway - that the character's drinking an alcoholic beverage, rather than a soft drink.

Are you big girls who ask for wedges of lime in your fancy imported beer bottles?
Tom: Yeah, you've gotta put some lime in your Corona - it's lovely.
Danny: You know what that was originally for? In Mexico, the lime keeps the flies away. You put it in the top to stop them flying in. It's not for the taste.
Couldn't you just use your thumb?
Danny: Yeah, but you can't do that once you've put it down on a table, can you?
Tom: You could if you chopped your thumb off.

Are you suggesting that Mexicans drink their beer slowly? Are you saying they're a bunch of girls?
Harry: Are you trying to start a conflict between McFly and the country of Mexico?

"Grey hairs left in the shower..."

Have any of you developed grey hairs yet?
Tom: I did find a grey... erm, body hair. Did I pluck it out? No, it got shaved off. My friend actually did have a perfect circle of grey in his hair - he was only 16.

Generally-speaking, who leaves the most filth behind in the shower?
Tom: Well, we're not all sharing anymore, but me and Dougie are sharing a bath. I think it's even more disgusting than sharing a shower, because he doesn't wash his... erm, stuff that he leaves in the bath away. Which is quite disgusting! You get in the bath and see these floating bits around. It's happened to me twice now.

Floating bits of... ?
Tom: Floating bits of stuff that you won't be able to print anyway. It's not very pleasant to get in the bath and find someone else's bodily fluids floating around you.

"Tatoos fade by the hour..."

Which tattoos do you all have?
Tom: I've got a tattoo of a star. So have Dougie and Danny.
Dougie: I've got a thing which isn't finished yet - tribal stuff. It's not Mexican, no! It's like the lunar landing, Neil Armstrong sticking his fingers up.
Danny: I've just got the bottom half of my leg done - but it's not finished yet. Look.

Harry: If they're really fit and they've got a good figure, then as many as they like.
Tom: But not like in this magazine we saw - the girl was really fit, but she was completely covered. Quite a lot's fine, but not all-over like she had! 
Harry: Some girl got me to do an 'H', which she got permanently tattooed onto her... what's that bit of your body called?
Tom: Skin?
Danny: Upper leg?
Tom: Yeah, a girl has my autograph on her back - she got the guy to tattoo over my signature. She said she was going to do it, but I didn't believe her. And, the next day, there it was: a scabby, old tattoo!!

Danny: Well, it's got two lines under it now, so she can easily adapt it.
Tom: I don't suppose we can change it more than that now, or we'll really be messing things up for her!

"Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find..."

Who spends the most time looking in the mirror?
Harry: It's me. Yes. I've got a bathroom with two massive mirrors, but there isn't one in front of my sink, so I stare at the wall while I'm brushing my teeth.

Trinny & Susannah have a 360 degree mirror, which you stand in to see yourself from every conceivable angle...
Dougie: Anyone would go mental, standing in there naked!
Tom: Danny would love it.
Danny: Looking at myself naked? Yeah, true...
Tom: I'm not sure I would like it. I'm quite a minger. You can quote me on that.
"Applying for his pension..."
Danny: We've all got pensions.
Tom: Isn't it all changing next year? You can buy property out of your fund when the rules change, isn't that right?
We don't know, and we're scared that people 10 years younger than us know about these things.
Do any of you ever have to work again, or are you all minted for life now?

Harry: If we stopped working now, we'd be stuffed. Maybe in about five years time, we'll be sorted.
Tom: The money takes years and years to come through.
Dougie: We have to keep touring to make any money at all.

What are the chances that you’ll be ripped off by a corrupt accountant one day and end up skint?
Harry: That's happened to a lot of bands, but we've got a really good accountant and a great team around us.

That's what Sting said in the '90s - then he realised his accountant had nicked six million quid from him!
Harry: Did he go to prison?

He did indeed. For six years - one for every million he stole.
Tom: But accountants get so, so much money anyway - why do they have to steal even more from the bands?
Harry: Sting's accountant, you are a [Censored!! - Ed.]

"The new kitchen floor he's buying..."

"Dancing on the kitchen tiles". "New kitchen floor". "Virgin in the kitchen". Looking through the McFly songbook, one thing's abundantly clear: one of you’s kitchen obsessed!
Tom: It's all stuff that actually happened! I danced with someone in the kitchen. Danny's family were buying a new kitchen floor. It's all true life! Lots of things happen in kitchens. You spend 30 percent of your life in the kitchen.

Only if you're a packet of peas, Tom.
Tom: Okay, I made that up. I've got lots more kitchen lyrics lined up, though - it rhymes with so many things. 'Ditching', 'itching', 'stitching' - listen out for the kitchen lyric on the next album. We're secretly promoting kitchens.

Sorry, Pepsi! We're with MFI now!
Tom: Exactly! That's where the proper sponsorship is!

Are you all into DIY and home improvement?
Danny: We're all completely into that TV show - what's it called?
Tom: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
Danny: It always makes me cry!
Tom: I love the way the turn they cruddiest house into a proper crib!
Harry: People who've struggled for their entire lives - they go in, do up their houses and totally transform their lives. It's amazing.
Danny: I'm the actual DIY guy in the band, though. I actually used to fit kitchens! I used to be a joiner... well, for two weeks while I was doing work experience. I've fitted an entire kitchen on my own. It's easy!
Harry: I set up my bedroom with Ikea flatpacks.
Tom: Step one, step two, step three...

"Two kids, a dog and a wife..."

Which one of you is most likely to settle down first?
Danny: Tom.
Harry: Tom.
Dougie: Tom.
Tom: Erm, me. Probably. I'm just genetically built that way.

What do you think you’ll call your kids?
Harry: Jack.
Dougie: Travis.
Harry: He'll get over that! He's going through his Blink 182 phase! It's been going for about 10 years now, but he'll get over it!
Danny: Dylan Jones. That'd be wicked. Or Daisy.
Harry: Daisy... the cow! You can't call your daughter that!
Dougie: You should call your son Indiana, Danny - Indiana Jones.
Danny: That would be cool, yeah...

"The ones you love you hate now..."

Do you hate all your old friends because they're not cool and famous like you are?
Tom: Haha! I don't have any friends!
Harry: Tom has three friends in the entire world.
Tom: Four... unless one of you guys doesn't like me! Yeah, it's just these guys and one other. I have lots of enemies, though. I get assaulted in supermarkets! With cream!
Harry: Do you remember the pop phenomenon that was [Boyband Name Censored! - Legal Ed.] ? Do you recall their revolutionary success? Well, there's a bit of rivalry there...

Boyband-Name-Censored tried to beat you up in a supermarket?
Tom: No, it was one of their mothers. A fully-grown woman, chucking cream and screaming at me!
Harry: I think you could put it down to jealousy. I'm not sure. That's just the vibe we were getting!

Well, that just about wraps that up. McFly, thank you.
McFly: No, no. thank you.

We always end these interviews like that, don't we?
McFly: Let's end it really suddenly instead.

What? Like this?

McFly's rather brilliant live DVD, The Wonderland Tour 2005 - Live In Manchester, is out to buy now. The single we stole all these lyrics from, 'The Ballad Of Paul K / Ultraviolet', is out on December 12th. Go crazy, 
buy both!

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